Mid-week Check-in

Hello, friends.

This will be a quick post, just to let y'all know (all three of you!) that I've more or less stuck to my plan this week. Well, aside from not doing anything Monday to give myself a rest day after running SEVEN miles Sunday, and not actually getting up most mornings, I've stuck to my plan. I went running Tuesday morning and last (Wednesday) night. I did get up to take the dogs on a walk this morning, but because one of the dogs is a nine-week-old puppy that I'm fostering for a few days, we didn't go very far... or very fast. But she's cute, and we took a long walk last night, so maybe the two combined equal one regular morning walk? I don't know. She did stop and whine and I had to carry her for a little while, so I got the added bonus of doing some upper body strength training! :)

I've been eating better this week, too. I'm not sure what changed, but I started believing in myself again this week, which I think gave me the determination to say no to things I knew wouldn't help me meet my goals.

I've also started asking for help when I need it. Last weekend, I went out to dinner with some friends and then they were planning on getting frozen yogurt afterwards. I let one of the girls know what I was planning to eat ahead of time and told her I was going to skip the yogurt completely. Know what? It helped! It's hard to admit that I struggle with certain things, but God definitely blesses those who are open about their struggles and ask for support. Every time I see the rewards, it gets a little easier.

So now the challenge is to continue to build the momentum. Having a good week is amazing, but I need this to lead into a good second, third, and fourth week, too.

Committing

I have a confession, friends. I have not been fully committed to regular runs, strength training, or a healthy nutrition plan. I've been running, I've been trying to eat well, but I haven't been committed. My efforts have been very half-hearted. Enough to keep me going, but not enough to help me progress in my goals. This has to change.


The biggest problem is that I haven't really been planning. I might make a loose plan ("I think I'm going to try..."), but nothing I've fully thought out, and therefore, nothing I've stuck to. I've let myself derail on my diet a number of times more than I can readily recall. It's been frustrating and discouraging, and I've wanted to throw in the towel so many times. The only reason I haven't is because I know what the outcome will be: 224 pounds.


I'm going into the upcoming week with a plan. 1) I will get up early each morning. I will run the neighborhood route on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and I will walk a shorter route on Tuesday and Thursday. 2) I will go to the bike trail Saturday and get a long-ish run in. 3) I will not use social occasions as permission to indulge in foods that will not help me meet my goals. I'm going to dinner and frozen yogurt with some friends this weekend. I have already let one of them know what I am eating for dinner and that I will be passing on the frozen yogurt. It sucks that I have to rely on telling someone else to keep me accountability, but that's my reality right now, so there you have it. 4) I will NOT continue to give in to unplanned indulgences. I don't have any specific mechanism in place to accomplish this, but I am bound and determined to beat this behavior.


The good news is that I have fully committed to a half marathon in September and a full marathon in October. I know I'm capable of taking better care of myself than I have been, I just need to tap back into that will-power to move forward.

I have the best running partner

I'm not going to lie - I hate running with other people. I have a few reasons for this. I'm an introvert, so running is a good opportunity for me to be alone with my thoughts. It's also really good prayer time for me. I also tend to be a bit on the slow side (especially since my injury), and I feel a little self-conscious running with other people for that specific reason.

But, there are definitely benefits to having a running partner. They offer accountability, motivation, and encouragement. And they also give you extra incentive to get out of bed early in the morning.

I have the perfect running partner. She's ready to run whenever I am. She doesn't try to talk to me. She always lets me set the pace. She doesn't whine about big hills. She doesn't give me a hard time if I need to walk on occasion, although she might try to urge me along if I have to stop to retie my shoelaces.

The only problem is that she likes to chase cats and scavenge for food scraps that people throw out their car windows. But I guess I can live with that.

Is there anything more motivating than new shoes?

Because my hips were so weak, when I went in to the fancy pants running store to get fitted for shoes last spring, I was told I was a severe over-pronator. That meant that my feet tended to collapse in when I ran. The kind folks at Riverside Runners hooked me up with some sweet Brooks that corrected my over-pronation woes and I was on my way. I loved those shoes. They made me feel like a real runner. They felt good on my feet. And they resolved a lot of the joint problems I was experiencing at the time. Then I got hurt. I went to physical therapy. And I was told that there was nothing wrong with the pronation in my feet - all the weakness was coming from my hips and that I should be wearing a neutral shoe and working on strengthening my hips. That was several months ago.

Now that I'm starting to be able to run consistently again, I thought it was about time to actually follow the advice of my therapist. So on Saturday, cash in hand, I went back to the running store to find a new pair of shoes.

After explaining my situation and challenges to the saleswoman (the girl who helped me the very first time I bought shoes there!), I ended up trying on six different pairs of shoes. Out of all of those shoes (all sized for wide feet!), there was exactly one pair that did not rub against the little toes of my left foot. And based on that fact alone, I am now the proud owner of some sort of Saucony shoes that look an awful lot like my Brooks.

I finally got a chance to try them out this morning. So far, so good!

And hey, if nothing else, dropping $100 on new shoes in and of itself will motivate me to get out the door for a while!

Self-Defeating

I'm going to be honest. The last two weeks have sucked for me. I think I've lost my initial excitement about being able to run in the struggle to figure out how I'm going to be able to work it into my daily life. Here's the problem:

I cannot run inside on a treadmill. I hate it. It feels like a death sentence to me.

I'm not sure if it's a good idea to try to start running in my neighborhood yet. My neighborhood is very hilly, which can exacerbate any weaknesses I still have. Also, in order to run in my neighborhood, I would primarily have to run on sidewalks, which are much harder than asphalt. That could also exacerbate any joint problems I already have.

I CAN run on the bike trail downtown - it's flat and the surface is asphalt. BUT I'm not going to run on it when it's dark for safety reasons and I can only get there during daylight hours on the weekends.

So what are my options?

I could just try running in my neighborhood to see how it goes. Maybe it won't hurt as long as I keep the runs short and don't go every day. I could try running around the office where I work. It's relatively flat, but I'd still have the sidewalk issue. I could try running around a track, but I honestly think that will result in the same problem I have with the treadmill. I could also just focus on walking during the week and save running for the weekends. I don't really want to do that, though - I'm trying to build up my strength and endurance which means I need to start building up my mileage.

These are just excuses. If I'm really committed to running, I'm going to make it work one way or another. This morning I woke up and confessed to God that I've been lazy, discouraged, and living in fear. I'm hoping to turn this around.

I will run tomorrow.

The rhythm of running

I have a confession. I'm in a rut. I was so excited to be able to start running again, but I'm having trouble finding my rhythm again. I think a lot of it has to do with the amount of planning and preparation it takes to go on a run now.

Before I got injured, I would basically put on my shoes and walk out the front door. That was it. If it was a short run, I could take Abby with me and she would get some good exercise in with me. Otherwise, I would take her on a short walk first, drop her off at the house, and go on my way. It's not that easy any more, though.

First of all, I have to do a lot more to maintain my body in a condition where I'm able to run. In addition to time spent running, I have to spend time doing core strengthening and stretching and resting and icing. Second, I can't just walk out my door and go on a run because my neighborhood is too hilly. I have to drive somewhere else, somewhere mostly flat with no downhills. Because of the inconvenience imposed, I've found it difficult to get back into a routine.

I'm thankful that we have some nice bike trails in the area so I'm not completely confined to a treadmill, but I'm smart enough to know that running those trails alone when it's dark is a bad idea. So during the week, I'm largely stuck running on a treadmill, which mostly feels like torture for me.

I think a lot of the struggle I'm having right now is centered around the fact that I don't have a clear plan. I know I want to be healthy enough to start training for a marathon later this year, and I think I will be considering I ran five miles yesterday. But I don't have a specific schedule laid out right now that I'm trying to follow. My goal for this week will be to develop a schedule so I have some structure.

The initial thought I'm having is to stick to the trails and treadmill until I'm regularly running 6 miles or so without pain. Then I can start incorporating neighborhood and hill workouts into my schedule once or twice a week. I don't know if I'll ever feel comfortable running down hills again, but I can always walk those if I need to.

I need to try to remember that this situation is only temporary. By being conservative now, I set myself up for long-term success, which is the most important goal. I'm just tired of not being completely, 100% myself. I'm tired of all these restrictions. I'm looking forward to finding my rhythm again.

Out Of Control

I went a whole week with very limited sugar intake. And it honestly wasn't that difficult. At the end of the week, even though I wasn't particularly craving anything sugary or desserty, I broke the fast with some frozen yogurt. It was delicious. But I felt like I had opened Pandora's Box by eating that small bowl of chocolate and peanut butter sugary sweetness.

The week after the fast ended was awful. I started craving sugar to an extent where I did not experience any form of satiation. I just wanted more and more of it. And I came to a hard realization - for right now, it's not something that I can allow myself to have.

I whole-heartedly believe that when people are taking steps to change their eating behaviors, eating plans based on deprivation are bad ideas. Mostly because deprivation leads to binge-eating those things of which you are depriving yourself, which leads to guilt, which leads to self-sabotage. However, those of us that have been successful in any sort of weight loss program over the long-term also know that it's really important to identify trigger foods.

Unfortunately for me, pretty much anything that falls into the "sugary" category is a trigger food: cake, candy, chocolate, cookies, ice cream, etc. It doesn't matter - I crave it all, and once I have a little, I want more. And if I can't have something sugary, then I'll just start mindlessly eating in general.

I have to accept that for me, for right now, I'm better off without it. Not just because of my efforts to manage my weight, but also for my health in general. I just don't feel as good when I'm eating lots of sugar. My energy level is down, my blood sugar is all over the place, I have headaches, and I'm tired constantly.

Maybe one day I'll be able to eat a cookie or two after dinner at a friend's house and be satisfied, or buy a quart of ice cream and not constantly think about eating it, but I'm not there right now.