Determination

I had an exciting breakthrough this week. I ran two days in a row for the first time in the last six months! Two back-to-back, muggy, sweaty 4.5-mile runs. It was exciting!

I'm going to be honest, though. I was not excited waking up two days ago for the second consecutive run. I was tired, I wanted to go back to bed, and my legs just felt heavy. But I had to get up to take the dogs out, then they wanted to eat, then they wanted to go on a walk. And I figured if I was going to do all that, I may as well just go ahead and do my run, too.

So I set out, and I had a really bad attitude going into it. The first three-quarters of a mile or so from my house is up a gradual hill, which is always a great way to start a reluctant run. And I kept telling myself that I wasn't in the mood and I probably wouldn't do it. But then I started thinking about a friend of mine.

My friend Jenn had knee surgery about a week after I did. We were never close friends, and we live in different corners of the U.S. now, but we were connected through facebook, we were both runners (her much more accomplished than I), and we were able to relate to the frustration of not being able to run due to injuries.

While my surgery and recover was pretty straightforward, Jenn experienced one setback after another. It has been six months now, and Jenn just ended up having a knee replacement to (hopefully) finally address the problems she's been having and get her back to living an active life.

During these last six months, I have had a lot of ups and downs. I've struggled with consistency and motivation. I've lost a lot of my innate desire to get up and go out for a run. It's been frustrating.

Something changed for me as I set out for my first two-in-a-row run, though - I started thanking God that I was even capable of putting one foot in front of another. Throughout all of her setbacks, Jenn has remained incredibly positive, encouraging, and faithful. And all this time I've been squandering the opportunities God has given me to glorify Him through my physical activity with a bad attitude.

My second run was tough. My legs felt heavy and dead. It was muggy and I was sluggish. But in a lot of ways, that has been one of my best runs, yet. Simply because I finally realized that my runs are not about me.

I run because I never thought I could. I run because other's can't. I run because it is a gift from God.

All on my own

Before I get started with my regular blog, there are a few loose ends I should wrap up. First, I'm doing a good job incorporating my nine servings of fruits and vegetables into my diet. Considering that a serving is really just half a cup (a full cup for leafy greens), most whole fruits and vegetables count for more than one serving. It really hasn't been that bad. Second, I'm doing a horrible job at cutting out sugar. I thought I had it yesterday, but it got the better of me. I'm going to have to come up with some strategies to quit cold turkey, though. I'm glad I never started on drugs or cigarettes - I'd never be able to quit! I'm still trying to seriously limit my sugar intake, though, so I'll keep y'all posted on how that goes.

I had my LAST visit with Dr. Gondi (on this particular issue - I'll be keeping him busy for years with other ailments) last Friday. I really like him. He gave me a hug. :) And he fixed me! I'm still experiencing some pain on the lower part of my knee, but it's not what was hurting before, so it's most likely muscular pain and some minor tendinitis that will hopefully resolve itself as I continue to get stronger. With that determination, he officially released me. That means I no longer have a doctor or a physical therapist.

It's a little overwhelming to me, to be honest. I don't feel like I'm ready to be on my own. I still have knee pain and I still can't really run. I have the tools to keep getting better on my own, but I feel like it's a lot of responsibility that I'm not quite ready for. I asked Wanda how I'd know when I was able to run, and she said, "You just try it and if it hurts, you stop." That's so scary to hear. I want to be able to run again so badly, but I'm terrified that I'm going to try too soon and re-injure myself.

Do I really know my body well enough to know when I'm pushing too hard or not hard enough? Have I learned enough during this process to understand how to interpret different kinds of pain? I guess I'll find out one way or the other.

Usually when I write these posts, it's because I've had some sort of realization or moment of clarity related to understanding why my injury occured or what lessons I can learn and apply from the experience. Today, all I have is a lot of confusion, questions, and fears. I'm nervous, and I'm overwhelmed. Despite that, I'm going to trust that the exercises Wanda gave me are going to continue to make me stronger.

And if all else fails, I know a great orthopaedic doctor...

Under the Knife

I scheduled my surgery for December 16, 2010. It was about a month from my last doctor's appointment. As I left, Dr. Gondi assured me that they'd get me fixed up. I believed he was going to do everything he could, I just wasn't sure that it would work. The doctor had told me that he was usually able to resolve IT band problems with more conservative treatments, so I was already the exception. What if I was the exception after the surgery, too? I wanted to be optimistic, but I also wanted to be prepared for the worst.

That month was rough. I had gained about 12-15 pounds back over the last few months, and I was terrified that with the waiting period for my surgery and the recovery period afterwards, that would just continue to increase. I was mentally struggling to make good eating choices, and as half-hearted as my efforts were, I was at least trying to be reasonable. The other challenge was that this was all happening in the midst of the holiday eating season. Amazingly enough, though, I held steady at my 12 - 15 pound gain. I am very thankful it wasn't worse, but I also felt like I was at the brink of falling out of control and it was all I could do to hang on.

Surgery day arrived and it was cold and snowy, which isn't completely normal for my part of the country. But everything still ran on schedule. The highlight of the experience for me was the anesthesiologist. My mother had worn a Georgia Tech sweatshirt and it turned out that he was a University of Georgia grad. After some good-natured banter, I was wheeled into the operating room. He told me that since I went to GT, I should start counting down from 100 in prime numbers. I remember thinking that I couldn't count down from 100 in prime numbers because 100 wasn't a prime number itself, but I think all I articulated was that I couldn't count down from 100 in prime numbers. I'm sure that destroyed his opinion of GT grads!

I woke up feeling groggy and tired, but otherwise not too bad. I made it out to the car and into my parents' house without incident, despite the snow and ice. My knee ached, and I was very sleepy, but I was able to walk without crutches and my little dog, Abigail, stayed by my side the entire first day, so overall I was in pretty good shape.

Everything was looking good, but it was still just a matter of waiting to determine if the surgery would effectively resolve the problems I was having.