All on my own

Before I get started with my regular blog, there are a few loose ends I should wrap up. First, I'm doing a good job incorporating my nine servings of fruits and vegetables into my diet. Considering that a serving is really just half a cup (a full cup for leafy greens), most whole fruits and vegetables count for more than one serving. It really hasn't been that bad. Second, I'm doing a horrible job at cutting out sugar. I thought I had it yesterday, but it got the better of me. I'm going to have to come up with some strategies to quit cold turkey, though. I'm glad I never started on drugs or cigarettes - I'd never be able to quit! I'm still trying to seriously limit my sugar intake, though, so I'll keep y'all posted on how that goes.

I had my LAST visit with Dr. Gondi (on this particular issue - I'll be keeping him busy for years with other ailments) last Friday. I really like him. He gave me a hug. :) And he fixed me! I'm still experiencing some pain on the lower part of my knee, but it's not what was hurting before, so it's most likely muscular pain and some minor tendinitis that will hopefully resolve itself as I continue to get stronger. With that determination, he officially released me. That means I no longer have a doctor or a physical therapist.

It's a little overwhelming to me, to be honest. I don't feel like I'm ready to be on my own. I still have knee pain and I still can't really run. I have the tools to keep getting better on my own, but I feel like it's a lot of responsibility that I'm not quite ready for. I asked Wanda how I'd know when I was able to run, and she said, "You just try it and if it hurts, you stop." That's so scary to hear. I want to be able to run again so badly, but I'm terrified that I'm going to try too soon and re-injure myself.

Do I really know my body well enough to know when I'm pushing too hard or not hard enough? Have I learned enough during this process to understand how to interpret different kinds of pain? I guess I'll find out one way or the other.

Usually when I write these posts, it's because I've had some sort of realization or moment of clarity related to understanding why my injury occured or what lessons I can learn and apply from the experience. Today, all I have is a lot of confusion, questions, and fears. I'm nervous, and I'm overwhelmed. Despite that, I'm going to trust that the exercises Wanda gave me are going to continue to make me stronger.

And if all else fails, I know a great orthopaedic doctor...