Sugar-free, that's me!

It's no secret to anyone that knows me that I LOVE things that are sweet. Cookies, cake, ice cream, chocolate, hard candy, pie, brownies... I love it all! I love it a little too much. My consumption of these delicious, sugary goodies has been causing me a lot of problems in my efforts to re-lose the 12 lbs that I gained while unable to work out. So I decided to do something about it. I decided to commit to going a full week without any sugar from these types of sources.

I've tried to do this before, and I failed. I couldn't commit. My heart wasn't in it. But last week, I just decided enough was enough. There was sugar all around me for Valentine's Day and I lost control. I didn't like it.

In a moment of frustration, I emailed my dear friend Rachel from Minnesota who is my fitness accountability buddy (and also has a very good blog at becausethefloundersaysso.blogspot.com) and told her that I'd had enough and I was going to fast from sugary, desserty-type food for a week.

To be clear, I didn't commit to going completely sugar-free for a week. I still ate fruit. There was sugar in my yogurt that I wasn't too concerned about. There was probably sugar in my tomato sauce, bread, ketchup, beans, whatever else I might have eaten that I didn't prepare 100% from scratch. And I still put honey on my peanut butter and banana breakfast sandwiches. But I laid off the things that I would consider to fall into the dessert category.

I thought it was going to be very, very difficult. I wasn't sure if I could do it or not. But I guess my mind and body had finally had enough and I actually made it an entire week without these delicious items. Do you what else is amazing? It honestly wasn't that difficult. Yes, there were times when I craved something sweet, but I felt so good without having all that extra crap in my body that I think it more than compensated for not having that sweet taste in my mouth.

I also realized that sweets are a much bigger trigger food for me than I ever thought. I think what would happen is I would lose control around sweets, feel like I went way off track, and then just throw my whole eating plan for the day out the window. Without losing control of the sweets situation, I was able to stay much more focused on making good eating decisions with all the other food groups available to me. A bag of Dorito's lasted AN ENTIRE WEEK in my house. AMAZING!

I successfully completed the fast. I'm allowed to eat dessert today. I'm just just not sure if I want to!

To God be the Glory

Last week I was feeling really discouraged about not seeing progress in my running ability. It's sad how often I sell God short. If I had just been patient one more teensy little week, my discouragement would never have surfaced. Know why? Because I was able to run this weekend!!!!

It was a beautiful weekend for February in Virginia. Way too pretty to stay inside. So Abigail (my dog) and I set off for the bike trail down town to go on a nice long walk on Saturday. The section we were walking is about 2.75 miles in one direction, so 5.5 miles "round trip." I hadn't planned on running, but it was such a pretty day, and we were out anyway, that I thought I would just try it and see what happened. And lo and behold, 3/4 of a mile later, my knee was just starting to twinge a little!

We went back Sunday morning (after church, of course) and this time I ran a full mile on the way out, and a full mile on the way back! And then I had yesterday (Monday) off, so we went back again and I ran TWO FULL MILES! It wasn't fast, and I'm sure it wasn't pretty, but it was running for a legitimate distance - the farthest I've been able to run since I started having problems in September! My knee was a little achey after that, but I iced it when I got home and I woke up this morning without any pain. Praise the Lord, oh my soul!

I'm incredibly excited for this development, but I think my challenge now is going to be to not push myself too hard too quickly. I need to be content with two miles for right now. I also need to make sure I continue to incorporate strength training and stretching into my regular exercise routine. It's been a long, difficult process to recover from this injury. I want to make sure I don't have to go through it again!

To God be the glory, great things He has done!

Rest for the Weary

I'm going to be honest. I'm a little cranky this morning. I've been having problems with my neighbor's dog. It barked incessantly from the time I got home at 9:30 pm until I eventually fell asleep with a pillow held over my head around midnight. Turns out that even though it's a violation of the local noise ordinance, the police can't charge anyone with anything if no one's home to sign for the violation. So that meant I went to bed last night listening to the soothing sound of a large dog barking.

I have to make a confession. I haven't done any type of physical activity since Sunday. That includes my PT. I've been tired and my knee's been hurting. I took Abby (my dog) for a long walk on Sunday morning after church, and my knee hurt all day afterwards. So I decided to take a little break, give my knee some rest, and diligently applied ice. It's still a little achey, but the pain has dissipated significantly. I have a feeling that it's a result of the inclines and declines, as small as they are. My neighborhood is not exactly flat, and the slopes exacerbate any problems. So for right now it looks like I'm sticking to tracks and the treadmill which means Abigail doesn't get to go on anymore long walks for the time being.

I'm planning on heading to the gym tonight after work. I really, really need to get back into a regular PT and strength-training routine. I feel okay about taking a few days off. I was getting frustrated by not seeing the results and my schedule was wearing on me. It's tough to get up at 4:30 am, especially when the neighbor's dog is keeping me up well past my normal bedtime. But I can't let that become a habit. I've been struggling with my knee problems for too long to give up now. Six months, in fact. I haven't been able to run since September 2010.

A few weeks ago, one of my Bible Study Fellowship questions asked about an area in your life where you were feeling exhausted by trying to control a situation. For me, this is it. I'm tired of getting up early, of being stuck in a gym instead of pounding the pavement, of feeling self-conscious about spending 45 minutes on a floor mat in the back of the fitness center at the Y, of being sore, of not being able to function normally. I'm tired of the monotony and tediousness of my PT.

The solution? Don't try to control the situation - trust God with it. I can't control when my body will be healed, or even if it will be healed. All I can do is continue to do the PT and trust God with the outcome. I'm still going to be tired, and I'm still going to get frustrated from time to time, but I have the source of infinite power to draw strength from. When my energy is depleted, I can rest in the arms of a loving God who loves me unconditionally and wants the best for me. All of me. Even my knee.

Down, but not out

I must admit, I've been a little bit of a slacker this week. I skipped my work out Monday because I stayed up too late watching the Super Bowl. I also skipped my work out this morning because I worked out last night and thought I needed more than 6 hours to recover. But I had a really, really good work out last night, so I think it'll be okay. Plus, I'll at least do some of my PT exercises tonight at some point, so it's not a complete wash.

I've been struggling with self-pity for the last week. Being injured is difficult on several levels. In addition to the physical pain, there's also emotional and mental exhaustion that sets in, and I've been feeling the results of that recently. I'm very diligent about doing at least some sort of exercise every day. I know that the secret to getting better is to force my body to work hard and I'm committed to that. But it's monotonous. It's tedious. It takes a lot of time. It's exhausting (to work out in the mornings, I have to wake up around 4:30!). And I'm not seeing the results I want to, yet. As much as I try to stay positive, I'm feeling discouraged.

I fully understand that I'm not going to just bounce back like nothing's happened, but I feel like I have been putting the work in and sometimes I wonder if I'm ever going to see the fruits of that labor.

It just so happened that we were studying Isaiah 41 in my Bible study last week. In this particular chapter, Isaiah is prophesying to the Israelites about events that are going to happen far into the future - he's telling them that they are going to be conquered and exiled, but that they don't have to worry because God has a plan for them. Isaiah goes on to encourage them by telling them (from the Lord):

“But you, Israel, my servant, Jacob, whom I have chosen, you descendants of Abraham my friend, I took you from the ends of the earth, from its farthest corners I called you. I said, ‘You are my servant’; I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Although my situation is far different from being taken captive and exiled far away from my home for many, many years, these words of encouragement really struck me. I am exhausted, I am anxious, I'm scared, and I don't know what the future holds. But I do know the One that is more powerful, loving, and generous than anyone could ever imagine, and I know that I can trust the Lord with my discouragement, exhaustion, and fear. I can depend on him for strength and help.

Last night, I went to the gym and was able to take my time during my work out. I didn't have to rush to get through everything. After my weight-lifting and isometrics and stretching, I tried something I haven't done in a while - I got on the stationary bike. I completed a hill workout set at level 5 with absolutely no knee pain.

I can't run right now - that makes me a little sad. But I am thankful that my body is slowly getting back to a mostly functional state. If I take the time to look to God, I'll see that I really am progressing and getting stronger. It may not be on my timeline, but He has a plan for allowing me to use my body for His glory.

All on my own

Before I get started with my regular blog, there are a few loose ends I should wrap up. First, I'm doing a good job incorporating my nine servings of fruits and vegetables into my diet. Considering that a serving is really just half a cup (a full cup for leafy greens), most whole fruits and vegetables count for more than one serving. It really hasn't been that bad. Second, I'm doing a horrible job at cutting out sugar. I thought I had it yesterday, but it got the better of me. I'm going to have to come up with some strategies to quit cold turkey, though. I'm glad I never started on drugs or cigarettes - I'd never be able to quit! I'm still trying to seriously limit my sugar intake, though, so I'll keep y'all posted on how that goes.

I had my LAST visit with Dr. Gondi (on this particular issue - I'll be keeping him busy for years with other ailments) last Friday. I really like him. He gave me a hug. :) And he fixed me! I'm still experiencing some pain on the lower part of my knee, but it's not what was hurting before, so it's most likely muscular pain and some minor tendinitis that will hopefully resolve itself as I continue to get stronger. With that determination, he officially released me. That means I no longer have a doctor or a physical therapist.

It's a little overwhelming to me, to be honest. I don't feel like I'm ready to be on my own. I still have knee pain and I still can't really run. I have the tools to keep getting better on my own, but I feel like it's a lot of responsibility that I'm not quite ready for. I asked Wanda how I'd know when I was able to run, and she said, "You just try it and if it hurts, you stop." That's so scary to hear. I want to be able to run again so badly, but I'm terrified that I'm going to try too soon and re-injure myself.

Do I really know my body well enough to know when I'm pushing too hard or not hard enough? Have I learned enough during this process to understand how to interpret different kinds of pain? I guess I'll find out one way or the other.

Usually when I write these posts, it's because I've had some sort of realization or moment of clarity related to understanding why my injury occured or what lessons I can learn and apply from the experience. Today, all I have is a lot of confusion, questions, and fears. I'm nervous, and I'm overwhelmed. Despite that, I'm going to trust that the exercises Wanda gave me are going to continue to make me stronger.

And if all else fails, I know a great orthopaedic doctor...

You could be doing that at home

Yesterday was Monday. And it was the first Monday morning in over a month that I didn't spend in physical therapy at the orthopaedic center. I've been diligent about going to the gym the last couple of weeks, and I was excited that I could really establish a routine now. The weightlifting (still upper body only for weights) has been going well - I'm getting more confident going into the weight room by myself - and I've been able to add brisk walking into the mix.

It's nice to have the option to add some different activities to my morning routine, but I also need to make sure I'm incorporating the strengthening and stretching exercises for my legs. So in between lifting my whopping 10 and 15 pound weights and walking at a brisk pace of 4.0 mph, I've been spending a fair amount of time in the back corner of the gym with the floor mat.

I don't do the same thing every day - I try to make sure that throughout the week, I'm getting most of my exercises in. Sometimes I use their stability ball, but for the most part, it's just me and the floor mat. In the middle of doing some side planks yesterday, one of the gentlemen I frequently see in the morning made the comment, "You could be doing that at home."

It's true - I could be doing all those things at home. In fact, for a long time, I did do them at home. But there's something different about doing them at the gym. It feels like there's more of an investment. At home, I find excuses to stop early or to put my exercises off. At the gym, I have a chunk of time that I've already set aside for that specific purpose.

There's also a certain amount of social pressure at the gym. Not really in the sense that other people care about what I'm doing, but in the sense that I care how I look in case anyone else is watching. I'll push myself harder at the gym. I'll hold my planks for the full 30 seconds instead of giving up at 20. I'll make sure I hold my wall sits for a full 10 seconds, and that I do all 20 repititions of the swiss ball bridges, even though my hamstrings are screaming.

The other people at the gym don't know what my goals are, and I'm sure they don't care. But because there's a possibility that someone could be paying attention to anything that I'm doing, I'm going to push myself just a little bit harder.

Yes, I could be doing that at home. But I do it much better at the gym!